Dead Souls
by IceHamBrainfreezy
Summary: Leila is not fond of the mundane, or very much else, for that matter. She's a cynic who doesn't really care if she lives or dies. You'd be the same way too if you didn't have any friends or immediate family in your life, and instead had a boring, dead-end job at a bookstore nobody hardly showed up at. One thing still remains a constant: he will show up in her life.
1. Chapter 1

Dead Souls

~a JtHM fanfic~

**Leila**

**It was 2 a.m. and I was finding it quite impossible to fall asleep. I got up, rather irritable I couldn't force myself out of consciousness. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't **_**like **_**sleep. If I didn't have to sleep, I rarely did it, but I needed rest for work. Stupid work. Who's idea was it for the bookstore to open at 7 a.m. 7 FREAKIN' a.m. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. Might as well wake myself up. A zombie that can't sleep... heh. I decided to walk to the 24/7 convenience store and grab 3 citrus energy drinks. It was going to be a loooong day.**

**My headphones blasted Skinny Puppy, a band I liked very much, as I walked through the chill night air. It felt as if a storm was brewing. I smirked. Storms were nice in retrospect. I enjoyed them as long as I could stay indoors. A frown crossed my face. I could be freakin' trapped at work during it. Ahh, life. Bittersweet life. **

**I walked through the doors of the 24/7 and froze. The cashier lay on the counter, eyes wide open, and oozing disgusting life-matter. I raised an eyebrow. "Yuck. Keep your fluids to yourself." I walked to the back to grab my energy serum and found a thin man, about my height, pacing back and forth with a machette. He wore a black long sleeve shirt with black and white horizontal stripes on the sleeves. It clung to him as he breathed heavily, trying to gain his stamina back. His black and silver cloven-toe boots glimmered in the light, no trace of blood on them whatsoever. There was no blood on him at all, either... It was like he just... defied evidence. I wouldn't say he was ninja-like... ninjas are weak. He was... simply swift and impossible to trace. I guess he saw me studying him because he coughed awkwardly and walked over to the Brainfreezy machine. I grabbed my drinks and walked over to the cash register. I walked behind it, behind the bloody guy, and searched for bags. I found one and gently put my drinks inside, aware of the stupid security camera staring into my soul. I sighed and pulled out my wallet. Just because the cashier was dead, didn't mean I wouldn't get in trouble for stealing. After I had paid and shoved the wallet back into my pocket, I walked back out into the night air, satisfied with my purchase. Then, a thought stabbed at the back of my mind. **_**You don't find it strange that that random guy just slaughtered that guy right before you came in? He could have slaughtered you too.**_** I shrugged. He didn't and that's all that mattered to me. I wasn't selfish, but if the guy did something to get him killed, he didn't deserve the sympathy. Besides, if I died right now, I wouldn't really mind. My life is pretty boring. Death would be a fairly interesting experience. It's not like I touched anybody's life. "Hey!" A voice called behind me.**

**Johnny**

**"You should go out, Johnny. You seem restless and being home all the time can make you go stir-crazy." Reverand Meat's voice rang out in my head, I looked out the window, pleased with the sight. No people. No animals. Just a now graying sky, full of twinkling silver stars, dying in the distance. **_**Must get closer to that universe. The only way would be to enjoy the night. I could use a Cherry Brainfreezy. **_**A smirk formed on my lips. I had made my decision.**

**As I walked through the misty, night air, I admired the perfect imperfections in the sky. **

**I walked into the 24/7 to find a bald man standing at the counter. He looked rather tired. Probably sick of hs job. I wandered toward the back of the store to find the Brainfreezy machine. I smiled. Those were one of the very few things that filled me with true happiness. **

**I grabbed a cup and held it under the dispenser, but as I pressed the button, nothing came out.**

**Oh, what a sad sight. Oh, to be truly satisfied. Fuck.**

**I flew to the bald man of pure evil. "YOU. YOU did this! WHY?! What did I ever do to you, you sick, twisted individual?" The man stared at me in confusion. "Um...we shut off the Brainfreezy machines at 2...," His idiotic voice droned on. "No. That answer is incorrect. The correct answer was, "We never shut them off, my good man." But NOW the correct answer is, "I'm going to fucking PAY for what I did!""And with that, the blade collided with his poor, sick, sad skull. Maybe 10 times? Maybe 20. I had lost count. My rage had finally died, along with his screams. It's all fun and games until that person dies and can't feel the tingly sensation of pain and whatnot anymore.**

**I clicked the machine on from the counter, and walked back over to the Brainfreezy machine. I sighed. **_**What now?**_** I thought to myself. **_**You're supposed to be happy, now, Nny.**_** I looked down sadly. The memories of me never getting what I wanted as a child came flooding back to me, vividly. The image of me crying in my bedroom, my back against the door. **

_**"But daddy, you're never home..."**_

**I stared into the dark void in the sky from the window. Tears threatened to break, when I suddenly heard the bell ring. A customer. I froze. If they even so much as mutter a "hello" to me...**

**It was a young woman, around my age, my height. She had black, razory hair. She wore dark eyeliner and a slight smudge of black eyeshadow, circling tired, emerald eyes. She was wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt, black skin-tight jeans, and dark grey and black boots that went just below her knees, like mine, with straps and buckles, also like mine. Although ours were slightly different. Hers were normal toed boots, mine were cloven-toed and had silver on the toes. She looked different from any girl I'd seen. I don't mean different in a way that would earn her a label. She didn't look like all those "goth" Nine Inch Heels fans. She had an individuality about her. She didn't follow. **

**She looked irritated and exhausted. "Yuck. Keep your fluids to yourself." She muttered to the dead, bald cashier man. I smirked, stifling a chuckle. She had a darkness about her that was dare I say... attractive. I mentally slapped myself. **_**WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? She's a human... humans are VERY unpleasant.**_** I crossed my arms. **_**You're human too... **_**She studied me for a while and I had to turn away. Before I said anything to her. Or worse, before she ended up in my basement. Anything that makes me think, or feel, deserves to be obliterated. I filled up my Brainfreezy cup and put the lid on, and the straw in the cup. **_**Oh, good,**_** I thought, as I saw her turn and leave. She got a ways away when a thought struck me. I walked towards the door and saw her leaving as my mouth betrayed me. "Hey!" She turned, her eyes shining in slight annoyance. **_**Oh, no... Don't be like THEM...**_** She stared at me expectantly, a slight smile forming on her lips. "Your secret's safe with me." She said, jokingly rolling her eyes, and smiling at me knowingly, before turning around to continue her walk. I smirked. She was... intriguing.**


	2. Chapter 2 (Generically named, of course)

Dead Souls

~a JtHM fanfic~

**Leila**

**I was rudely awakened by my alarm clock at 6 a.m. sharp. **_**Fuck.**_** I crawled out of bed, barely surviving on 4 hours of sleep. I trudged to the shower and took about 20 minutes out of my day.**

**I got dressed in a red plaid skirt, black fishnets, a black sleeveless tee, and my boots, blowdried and straightened my hair, did quick eyeliner and black lipstick, and with a few minutes to spare, I sat down in front of the television. **

_**News Lady: "So, it seems as if a certain killer is back."**_

_**Said the news lady rather enthusiastically, like they always do.**_

_**News Man: "I know, Deborah. It's insane. It seems as if this killer, who can't seem to be caught, by the way, just kills people blindly out of random."**_

_**Lady: "Nobody is entirely positive if it's just one killer, Tom."**_

_**Man: I suppose that's right.**_

_**Ugh, boringgggggggg.**_** I thought as I clicked the t.v. off. I smirked and laughed quietly. **_**I saw the killer at the 24/7 last night, Tom.**_** I mimicked in a newscast voice, in my mind. I got up, stretched out of boredom, and walked out the door.**

**I strolled down, walking on the sidewalk, cars passing, with their eyes glued to me. **_**WHAT?! **_**I wanted to shriek. I rolled my eyes, and continued to walk. The bookstore came into view, and I walked over to it, getting my key ready, since I was opening. I stopped abrubtly, peering into the window of the store. Someone was IN there... Nobody was supposed to be in there. AND the door was LOCKED. I cocked my head sideways, and backed away slowly. The person locked eyes with me. It was... dark in there, so I could barely even see them. They began to step closer and closer. I was frozen. Not with fear, but with curiosity. And THIS cat was probably gonna die. Dying, I could live with. Being raped, however... Shit. The door opened and the smell of patchouli wafted over to me. But... we didn't have patchouli incense... **_**I loooove the smell of patchouli,**_** I thought to myself, absent-mindedly. I didn't see anything, and I felt someone grab my waist and drag me into the bookstore. I began to fall towards the floor but someone helped me up. "P-please don't rape me..." I whispered, not realizing I said that aloud. I came face-to-face with the thin guy from last night. He looked shocked. "Rape? Rape is just sick! I would never rape anyone. I would never take away someone's innocence like that. That's just fucked up." I cocked my head sideways, confused. He towered over me and picked me up bridal-style and carried me towards the back of the store. I blindly fumbled with my shirt, keeping it covering me. He layed me down on the floor and closed and locked the door. It was dark except for one window, and considering the room was so small, it was up about 50%. I laid there and stared at him. I was missing work today apparently. "I'm gonna get in trouble for not showing up and doing my duty as a cashier here, just letting you know." I sighed and looked toward the wall, and began to stare. He looked over at me, slightly glaring. "Shhh. Stay quiet and you won't suffer." I chuckled darkly. "What are you talking about? I'm always suffering. I don't think there is anything you could do that wouldn't put me out of my misery.." **_**Except for rape, dumbass.**_** I thought to myself. He cocked his head sideways. "You have a beautiful neck. Would be such a shame if it were to break. Seeing as you're so fragile and delicate, it wouldn't take much." I shrugged, bored. He swiftly flew over to me, knife in hand. He held it up to my neck. I turned my head, so he could get better access to my jugular. "Go ahead. Slice my neck, let me bleed out."**

**Johnny**

**"Go ahead. Slice my neck, let me bleed out." Her words rang out in my mind to some deep level. Was she... **_**mocking**_** me? Or was she genuinely wishing for death? She looked... pained everytime I saw her. She must be a loner like me. She looked bored right now... This bored expression... she had that look everytime I threatened her... As if she thought I wasn't really going to do it. As if she thinks I'm bluffing. I smirked. Almost as if she were **_**trying**_** me. I pulled away with force. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to take your life." She looked confused. "So I have to work today?" She crawled up into a sitting position, hugging her knees to her chest. "So, how come you kill people? Is there something in you, unfulfilled? Broken? People tear you apart?" I nodded. How did she...? She must KNOW what it's like... "I would rid the world of people that piss me off too, but the thing is, I can't bring myself to actually give a damn about anyone enough to devote so much time and energy into their ever-so-flawed existence. I'm just too passive, I guess." I stared at her, examining everything about her then. I saw her in a slightly different light. She was wise... very wise. Broken as well, I presumed. She had nobody in her life. She lived alone. She had no friends. She barely communicated with her family. I got this from her, in waves. Like a throbbing pain. An **_**ache.**_** Her whole story reflected off of her in whispers in my mind. I suddenly felt as if I've known her for years. I felt as if I knew all her darkest secrets. But part of me also felt exposed. In trusting, or rather, forming an alliance, I felt vulnerable. I would have to open myself up to good and bad, if I told her things. If I took solace in her. If I became her... her "friend", or something similar. I nodded. "I guess my anger takes over." She nodded. "The more angry you get, the worse it gets. You feel like a hungry, ravenous wolf, wanting to tear your prey to shreds. And for what? To be considered an alpha? No. To rid the hunger for their pain. The hunger for destruction. But it never truly goes away. Nothing ever gets fulfilled. But the feeling of the anger melts away as they lay lifeless. The anger dies with them. That tiny piece of anger you had is gone. It left with them. But there's so much more. SO much more anger. From many different people, things, situations. All mostly caused by people." Was she inside my head? How could someone actually **_**relate**_** to me? I thought I was a twisted individual, but as she puts reason and logic into these feelings... she makes me feel... normal. The fact that she knows what it's like. The fact that someone actually does. "How do you know all this...?" She smirked. "Because I know exactly what it's like. I hate people. I hate them. They only cause pain. Why are we, as humans, so very flawed. We failed at evolution, really. We may not be done, but I am. You are. Everyone living right now is." He nodded, sighing. "But we are different... We didn't exactly evolve differently from average humans, per se, but you and I, we are a different kind of human. Our minds are more vast." She nodded and laughed lightly. She edged close to me, making me slightly uncomfortable. I didn't like humans... I didn't like people getting too close... and I definitely didn't like anyone touching me... She wrapped her arms around me and began to cry. I froze. She... she smelled nice. She didn't smell like all those gross humanoid creatures... but... she was a person. If I trust her... If I grow too fond of her... She'll hurt me. Badly. I awkwardly patted her back. I had never received a hug from anyone. **_**She doesn't get it, s**_**omething inside me said.**

**Leila**

**He awkwardly hugged me back... like he had never received a hug before in his life... I guess that made me hug him a little tighter. He patted my back as I sobbed, cheek on his shoulder. I pulled away and he was staring at the floor. "I... I'm sorry." I sniffled. "I just... never really have talked to anyone much." His eyes lifted back up with curiosity, staring into mine. "It's alright... I just don't like people touching me..." And then he told me all about his quirks and pet-peaves, things he was afraid of, etc. He told me all about his childhood. He told me everything about everything. About how he was never loved, always rejected, was never like all the other kids in school, parents neglected him. He told me his whole life story. And as soon as he had finished, it was maybe 2 hours later. Nobody was here still. He lifted his sad eyes back down to his boots and asked, "Do you maybe wanna ditch work for coffee, or something?" He had a tiny blush on his face and I couldn't quite place why, when I suddenly felt a tiny warm flush upon my cheeks as well. "Sounds great. It's not like anyone's gonna show up at a bookstore for a 20% sale today anyway." I smirked and got up on my feet and reached my hand out to help the guy up. "Oh! I forgot, my name is Leila, by the way." He chuckled. "I'm Johnny. But seeing as though we must be friends by now... or whatever people call it... you can call me Nny, for short." I smiled. "How do you spell that? N-n-y? Like just the last letters of your name?" He nodded. "You're the first person to actually understand where that nickname came from."**

**We walked to the coffee shop and sat down in a booth in the very back. Little did I know, that would be our hangout for quite a while.**


	3. Chapter 3

Dead Souls

~a JtHM fanfic~

**5 Months Later**

**Leila**

**I held onto Johnny, crying again. It was the middle of the night and we were at his house, sitting on the couch in his living room in pure darkness. I had taken a nap on his couch while he was reading or doing something, I don't remember, I had just fallen asleep shortly, when the nightmares struck me again. Nightmares of my past. "What's wrong, Leila?" Johnny asked, sounding strangely worried and concerned. It wasn't like him to care about anyone. I hugged him tightly, trying desperately to be comforted. "The nightmares... they remind me of every little horrible thing and... there's this voice. In my head. It tells me I'll never be good enough. It tells me I'm ugly, worthless, not worthy of happiness." I sobbed. "And... and. My vivid dreams of my father screaming in my face.. and...*hiccup* and, and...-" "Shhh," Johnny whispered in my ear, holding me tight, his body trembling, most likely because he wasn't used to human contact. "I'm s-sorry... I... You've been hurt so much... What if I slip up? What if I do something or say something that hurts you?" He said, pulling away and looking far, far away. I shook my head frantically. "You won't hurt me. You know what the pain is like. You won't cause me that type of pain. I won't cause you any pain, either, Nny. I hope you know that." He backed away and began pacing towards the window, his arms behind his back in a pondering manner. I sat on the couch, watching him, sniffling, my lip trembling. **_**I'm gonna break... oh, god, I'm gonna break and he's gonna leave...**_** A sob escaped my lips as my head fell between my knees. "It's just not fair. I want happiness! Is that too selfish of me?! I just want to taste happiness just for a little while. Just to know what it's like!" Arms wrapped around me as I broke down. He carressed me, which must have been such a hard thing for him to do, considering he was Johnny. "I think it's time I told you about Nailbunny, The Doughboys, and Reverand Meat."**

**And with that, Johnny told me all about the long lost voices in his head, his trip to Heaven and Hell, and the new voice that rang through his mind. He told me about Devi, how he scared her off. His feelings were odd. He told me about how The Doughboys made it impossible for him to love anyone. They drove him mad. But after he freed himself, spiritually, they had left him alone, along with his long-forgotten voice of reason, Nailbunny. Now Rev. Meat, a Bub's Burger Boy mascot, told him the true feelings that shined through him, as much he wanted to shrug it off. **

**Johnny sighed. "I think I'm starting to grow fond of you, Leila, and that's what scares me the most. More than being alone, even." He looked up at me, sadly. "I'm starting to grow fond of you too, Johnny." I nodded, staring into the slight darkness. He shook his head. "No... you don't get it. I don't mean I'm growing fond of you as a friend, or whatever... I mean, I **_**am**_**. But.. that feeling of wanting. As if I've never wanted anything before. I want you to be mine. Not in a possessive way, no. But just, I want to be yours, and for you to be mine, and I want to kill your pain and replace it with happiness but I **_**don't. Know. How.**_**" He put his head in his hands and sighed deeply. I put my hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to know **_**how**_** to make someone happy. If you love someone, making them happy won't be hard. If just looking at someone makes you smile, then everything will be fine. And you know I won't hurt you, and I know you won't hurt me. So, what are you afraid of?" I smiled a small, sad smile. He took a deep breathe. "I... I guess you're right. I'm.. I'm going to try the hardest I can to not hurt you, and to make you happy. I'm going to try to get past my fears of being hurt and enjoy your company and get past my hatred for communication because I know you're different. I'll try to get past my hatred for being touched, because you aren't people, you're YOU. And you are pretty special. And if I start to lose it... I'll try to stay away from you." I stared in awe and shook my head. "I'm nothing special." He stared at me sadly. "You are to me." I smiled. "Well, I'm glad you think so. Your opinion is the only one that matters to me." **

**Leila**

**"NO! YOU CANNOT CALL YOURSELF A HUMAN BEING, YOU PIG! PEOPLE. DON'T. INSULT. PEOPLE." And with that, Johnny smashed some man's brains in with a steel baseball bat at least 4 times before collapsing to the ground and closing his eyes. His breathing came in heavy little gasps, his chest heaving up and down as he crawled up to a sitting position.**

**Johnny**

_**That's the last time he says anything bad about her. **_**I smirked.**_** That's the last time he says anything.**_**.. **_**wait.**_** I hopped up and ran to Leila. She just sat there with a sad look on her face as she stared at the ground. "It's okay, see? He's dead. His words can no longer hurt you." I grinned like a silly fool for emphasis, but she just stared at me, sad. "Hey, it's okay. I promise. Want me to hurt someone else? Some ignorant "redneck" or "gangster" type?" I said, jokingly. "No... If I wanted someone hurt that badly right now, I'd do it myself." I nodded and sat down beside her. "Well... we could get some food if you want. Chinese sound good?" She looked up and smiled a small smile. "Sure.. thanks." I took her hand, shuddering at the slight tingle in my wrist. It was still odd touching someone for the first time non-violently. Usually I only touched someone if I REALLY wanted them to suffer. Even that was a no. But... this was different. Her and I... We were on completely different arrangements here.**

**Leila**

**We got our food and were headed to Johnny's. We reached the door and I heard a noise... It sounded like ...a little kid crying. Nny turned his head, made a funny face like he was listening, trying to decipher the noise, and then shrugging it off and taking the food inside. I stayed outside and began to migrate towards the sound. It was coming from next door, house 779. A little 6 year old boy with jet black hair was crying, holding a ratty, old teddy bear that kind of resembled a crazy squirrel. There were no cars in the driveway. **_**He must be home alone.**_** What kind of people were his parents? I rushed to his side. "Squee!" He squeed as I rushed over to him. D'aww. I must have startled him. He held his teddy up to his face so I couldn't see him. "Shmee says not to talk to strangers." I giggled. "Well, Shmee, where are his parents?" I said to his teddy. The little boy lowered the bear and smiled a little. "He says he doesn't know. I don't know where they are either." He then frowned and some tears welled up in his big, brown eyes. "Shh. No, please don't cry. I'm sure they just went to the store or something, or are running errands somewhere." I said, trying to reassure the sad little boy. "Squee-gee!" Johnny called from afar, as he came jogging up to us. "Squee!" The boy squeed again, staring up at Johnny. "You two know eachother?" I asked, curious. The little boy nodded. "Leila, this is Squee. Squee, this is Leila." The boy timidly spoke up, "T-Todd." Todd stared at me with caution. "You can come over there with me and Johnny if you want. You can have some Chinese we just got." I looked at Johnny. "I'll share." He smiled. Squee smiled and said, "Okay, lemme ask Shmee first." He put the bear up to his ear and nodded, as if in deep discussion. He put Shmee down and said, "Shmee says it sounds like a good idea." I smiled and giggled. He was so cute! "Thank you, by the way, Leila." Aw! He was a very polite little lad. "No problem whatsoever, Squee." We began walking back to Johnny's and once we got inside, we all sat on the sofa. "So, how do you know Creepy Neighbor Man?" Squee's wide eyes peered into my soul as he said this. I laughed. "Johnny's not creepy. Not to me anyway. He's saving us from the terrible people in the world. Sometimes it's hard to tell who's a good person and who isn't." Todd's eyes got huge. "Squee! What if you're a bad person?" I nodded. "Well, I guess we'll have to see, right, Todd? Keep your gaurd up for a while and then you can decide if I'm good or bad. Nobody really knows until they get to know someone. Just give me a chance, okay, Todd?" I smiled down at him and got up to get him a plate. When I came back, Todd looked a little sad. I sat down and put some shrimp fried rice on his plate and cut my eggroll in half and put that on his plate, too. "Almost every time I give someone a chance, they turn bad." I patted his head and handed him his food. "Well, Johnny's not bad. Just maybe a little misguided. You thought he seemed bad, but he really wasn't. You can't judge a book by its cover." Johnny scoffed quietly. I narrowed my eyes at him and then looked back at Todd. "The important thing is he won't ever hurt you." Squee nodded and smiled, but then the smile faded. "What about you? What if he hurt you?" I shook my head, dismissing that thought. Johnny spoke up, putting a hand on my shoulder."I won't. I met my match; her. She challenged me. She **_**dared **_**me too. She got inside my **_**head**_**. I thought I was the only one who could do that to people. No one's ever gotten to me like that. I liked her almost instantly." Todd's eyes widened in confusion. I smirked at Johnny, then turned to Todd. "What Johnny's saying is, he wouldn't ever hurt me because we aren't so different from eachother. He likes me, so he won't." I looked down awkwardly, narrowing my eyes over to see Johnny blushing madly, but focusing on his food. "You two **_**like **_**eachother?" I nodded and Johnny nodded slowly with a deer-in-headlights look on his face. "Like, **_**like-like?**_** You two would get married? Or you two are friends?" Johnny nearly choked on his eggroll, and went into a coughing spasm on the floor. "Um..." I pondered. "We are... in a relationship. We do "like-like" eachother. As for marriage, well... marriage sounds silly and I haven't even ever thought about it, so, there." After I shut up, I quickly shoveled a spoonful of rice into my mouth so I wouldn't have to talk anymore about this matter. Squee looked rather satisfied and began munching happily on his food.**

**After we had all finished our food, Johnny went outside to check if Squee's parents were home yet. They weren't, he had confirmed when he sat back down. Squee looked down. I had an idea. "Hey. How bout you stay with us for the night?" Johnny looked at me, doing this "no, bad idea" signal. Then, he mouthed a word to me. "Basement." **

**The people in the basement.**

**"Ohh. Well... your parents would notice you were gone, I suppose." **_**Nice save.**_** I told myself. "How 'bout we take you up to your room and stay with you until your parents come home, then we'll leave from the window?" Johnny said, brilliantly.**

**Johnny**

**She was very caring. I could tell she didn't want to leave little Squee all by himself, considering his Squee-like qualities. I didn't want to leave him alone, either. He was easily frightened. "we take you up to your room and stay with you until your parents come home, then we'll leave from the window?" I said. Leila grinned. I could tell her and little Squee-gee were going to get along just fine. I trusted her, and I trusted she wouldn't hurt Squee. She was a caring, compassionate person. She was good with kids, and considering Squee was unlike any other kid ever, she enjoyed spending time with him. He was very kind and polite, unlike kids. Kids are venomous and little girls... I must warn Squee about the evil of **_**girls **_***shudder*. They will crush his soul. Anywhooooo**

**We left for Squee's and I decided we'd all go in through the window. We got in, and I closed the window, shutting out the cold, rainy air.**

**After hanging around, talking, and playing some GameSlave with Squee, we heard the sound of the front door opening, and his angry father conversing with his doped-up wife. Footsteps got closer and closer til they were right at the door. "You still exist in there, right?" His dad asked. "Yes, daddy." Todd replied, grinning. The footsteps faded away until I could vaguely sense them at the very end of the house.**

**I nodded toward Todd. "Well, we gotta get going. Goodnight and sleep tight, Squee!" I flashed him a rather maniacal grin as we climbed out of the window back into the muggy, rainy night.**


	4. Chapter 4

Dead Souls

~a JtHM fanfic~

**Johnny**

**I sighed, thinking about Squee's parents. How...? Ugh. How was it that it seemed so... so **_**normal**_** to little Squee-gee? He fails to notice his parents' neglect because it's... normal to him. **_**Remind you of anything, Nny, old boy?**_** I shook my head violently. **_**No! I don't. I didn't HAVE parents.**_** I put my hands over my ears and collapsed in a fetal position on the damp grass. "JOHNNY!" Leila excalimed as she bent down next to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder; I felt concern in her touch. **_**What's worse, Nny? Experiencing their love and THEN receiving neglect? Or experiencing neglect right off the bat?**_** I balled up my fists and rolled over, hissing in pain. **_**Stop it stop it STOP IT!**_** I guess I screeched this out loud because Leila was shushing me and holding me tight, carressing my upper back. I shuddered at the touch. Still not used to such close physical contact with **_**anyone.**_** She tugged at my hand. I smirked and slowly, carefully got up. She held onto me as if I might fall, as we walked into the house. She sat me down on the couch and went to lock the door. I curled up into a ball on the couch, suddenly feeling very fragile, but desperately not wanting to show it. Nothing really got past Leila, though. She already knows something's wrong. She sat down next to me and looked up at me with her big, emerald eyes in concern. I guess she was waiting for me to explain. To say something, anything. I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Sorry, I... I lost it back there." She took my hand in hers. A tingle rushed through my arm. What have I gotten myself into?... "What happened? What's bothering you?" She asked, playing with my fingers. I had to smile at her. What she was doing was rather... dare I say... cute. "Seeing Squee's parents... stirred something within me. Something I shove deep down inside my subconscious. I guess my psyche is pretty sensitive." She nodded. "Sensitivity makes you strong." I had to shake my head at this. "That, my dear... is where you are wrong. Sensitivity makes you weak. It makes you succeptible to pain and suffering." She looked down and let go of my hand. "Yeah... I guess you're right. I like to believe I'm strong... but who is? We, humans, are built with this sense of empathy. This... compassion. And sensitivity. AND I CAN'T FUCKING SHAKE IT. Although... I only really care about certain people and certain things... but... I'm so sensitive. So god-damn sensitive. I'm weak. So fucking weak. I get hurt very easily. It's the way I handle things. Something isn't right within me. I get too upset too quickly. But not "sad" upset. It's far more complex. More like, anger, frustration, denial, depression, anxiety." She looked down at the floor. I felt this pang of sadness for her. I understood exactly where she was coming from.**

**Leila**

**Johnny looked at me and nodded, looking really out of it. Then, surprising me greatly, Nny wrapped his arms around me and inched really close to me, layed his head on my shoulder, and whispered, "You're strong to me. I'll be here for you no matter what. I promise. Really. I'm not like everybody else who says that. I actually **_**mean **_**it." He kissed my cheek, and then got up quickly. My eyes followed him, wondering where he was going. I guess my depression made me worry a lot. After a couple minutes, I heard music... and then Johnny came back into the room, sat down on the sofa next to me, put his arms around me, and a smile formed on his face... a **_**real **_**smile. I loved Skinny Puppy... this was the best day of my life. I was happy with someone and they listened to Skinny Puppy just as religiously as I did. The song playing currently was "Use Less". It was one of my favorites. I guess he saw me enjoy the music, because he grinned his patented Johnny grin and said, "Favorite album?" I smiled, so happy we actually had some entertainment in common, as well as worldly views. "Well... a tie between The Greater Wrong of the Right, and HanDover..." Suddenly AshAs came on. Johnny tugged my sleeve and got me up into a standing position. He took a deep breath and then put my hands on his shoulders, and then very carefully put his hands on my hips, shuddering at the touch, but then slowly gaining confidence. We began to slowly sway... **_**'Warmest disconnect, while keeping our eyes in the dark. Smiling, pushing through it all, hidden in the pain, hidden in the pain,' **_**Nny muttered the lyrics quietly, and I smiled up at him, looking deep into his black eyes. He pressed his lips next to my ear and sang softly, **_**'Looking through the pain, looking out again to see right through. My heart can't contain the missing fragments of memories.'**_** I held onto him tight, a warm blush masking our faces. "I... love you..." The words I uttered shocked even myself. **


	5. Chapter 5

Dead Souls

~a JtHM fanfic~

**Leila**

**I... I didn't realize what I said, until I had pulled away from him. To my unsurprise, he had pulled away, too, and turned around. He was hugging himself as if he were suffering extreme chills. I turned around too and sighed, sitting down on the floor. **

**I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned back around a little. "Hey, no... Don't feel bad. You don't have to lie to me to make me feel better." These words left him.**

**My eyes widened, "No! I really wasn't lying, Johnny." I looked up into his eyes and he reluctantly met mine. I could tell by the look on his face, he didn't really believe the things I was saying. "Johnny, I'm serious. You may not believe me because of your own views on yourself, possibly, but I really mean it." He just heaved a soft sigh, looking away. "The pitiful thing is that **_**I**_** really love **_**you." **_

**Johnny**

**It's not that I didn't trust her to tell me the truth, but someone spending so much time with me would pity me enough to tell me these words, I just knew it.**

**She just frowned deeply, her eyes losing their shine until the words left her lips again, "I love you." Her emerald eyes seemed to catch Greek Fire as she said this.**

**With every breath, my heart thudded against my ribcage. She was very important to me and she was serious about what she was saying. I couldn't help but be afraid. **

**It's like I had lost control of myself... An out of body experience taking hold. I cupped her face in my hands and leaned in, turning my head a little. She followed suit, turning her face towards mine, angling her lips toward mine. When hers had caught mine, I felt an electricity I couldn't describe inside of me. **

**Her lips ghosted over mine softly as she began to speak, her voice barely above a whisper, "I really do love you. And I trust you."**

**I held her close, resting my head on her shoulder so she couldn't see me cry. I couldn't do this. This was frightening. My head was filled with a ringing sensation and Rev. Meat was "Hmm"-ing in approval. I didn't know why that triggered me, but for some reason... I wondered what was in his master plan for him to approve of my choice to let her close to me. Was he pulling a D-boy?... I wondered.**

**I couldn't leave her in this house... I couldn't... But had I a choice?**

**"Johnny?... Are you alright?" Leila's voiced caught me off guard a bit. I bit my lip and nodded, trembling. She nuzzled my cheek and I smiled a little. "I love you too, Leila. I do. Never forget that."**

**Leila**

**His words seemed a bit cryptic. In any other situation they might have seemed normal... But he seemed as though he was keeping something from me. I would never forget him loving me, of course. But... was I going to want to?**


	6. Chapter 6

Dead Souls

~a JtHM fanfic~

Leila

I didn't really remember falling asleep that night, but I remember a flash of images. Johnny, hovering over what looked to be a small burger boy statue..., Johnny grabbing his bag, and hugging me once more. I didn't know why I had felt so tired... I felt as if I were under a spell. I could have just used every ounce of my energy that day, but I hadn't anticipated the crash to be so soon.

I woke up to slightly, distantly familiar surroundings. As my mind whirled a bit, I realized I was in MY house... Was it all a dream, then?

I got up from my couch and walked over to the door, a small piece of paper had been taped to it. All it said was,

_Leila,_

_I really do care about you. That is why I can't be around you._

_I really hope you would understand that... my problems are just not yours._

_Sincerest apologies,_

_Nny_

I just stood there, my mouth gaping open. I trembled a little, unsure of how to feel. He was just... dumping me off like everybody else? It... seemed like such an excuse. "It's not you, it's me," type shit... Although... Maybe this was legitimate... He seemed so fragile last night. I turned around and cosed my eyes tight as tears escaped them. I balled my fists and sat on the floor, pulling my legs to my chest as I choked on a string of sobs.

I was never trusting another human being again. No matter how great they seem.

I did have a feeling nobody could compare to Nny, however.

Johnny

I had grown accustomed to standing in one spot for a very long time. I had been staring adjacently out the window, as if my mind were expecting something.

"What is there to expect?", a voice uttered.

"Shut up," I replied dryly, my heart aching with each action or movement I made. This is why I was standing in one place, unmoving, un-LIVING.

"Oh, Johnny. Trying to protect her? Is that the same thing as trying to hurt her? If you would have kept her and held onto her, she would have died HAPPY."

A growl escaped my throat as I shot daggers at the Bub's Burger Boy. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THOSE THINGS IN REGARDS TO HER! I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS YOU SAY ABOUT ME, BUT THE SUBJECT OF LEILA IS OFF LIMTS!"

I swear I saw him SMILE at this. "Aw, so you really ARE in love. Isn't it just grand? Oh wait, it isn't because TRUE love is setting them free to ROT IN HEARTBREAK!"

I had had enough of this. "SILENCE!" I grabbed a hammer and smashed the ceramic statue's head, shattering everywhere. I picked it up and threw it far out the window.

"Fuck." I glanced down. There were shards everywhere.

I grabbed a broom and a dustpan and began to sweep up the ceramic shards. After I had finished, I flung them outside, hopefully never to be seen again.

And afterwards... I just felt empty inside. Emptier than when I took her back home. And even more empty than when that Burger Boy was speaking to me. The silence was almost deafening... The silence I wasn't used to.

Maybe I was so used to being INSANE, that... When the voices disappeared, I was left lonely. Maybe I would go insane even without them telling me what to do. Maybe I was just destined to be this way, anyway. Couldn't I ever be satisfied?

"Nope.", a voice outside of me uttered.

"Indeedy-doody.", another one spoke up.


	7. Chapter 7

Dead Souls

~a JtHM fanfic~

Leila

This house was driving me insane.

No, I know what you're thinking. But it really was. And maybe it WAS because of him, maybe it was just me losing him. Maybe it was both. There were a helluva lot of maybes.

I hadn't left my house, because in truth, I couldn't. My doors wouldn't open. Nor would my windows. I wasn't sure if Johnny had something to do with this or not.

That is... until I heard a tiny voice speaking to me. It had a washed-up voice, filled with pain and ache. It sounded like the epitome of insecurity.

"Why would you want to leave?" This came from a tiny little skeleton cat doll on my bed. I froze and stared at it. "You're right... I really wouldn't."

"So I was right. Score 1 for me."

I shook my head. "Let me out of my house. I need to go pick up some things!"

The doll shifted it's hollowed-out eyes. "I am afraid I can't do that. I must protect you from him ever hurting you again. You'll just run to him. I know it. And that isn't something I'm willing to let you do. We... I... must protect you."

I banged a fist into the wall. "I WILL THROW YOU IN THE TRASH COMPACTOR IF YOU DON'T LET ME GO!" I picked up the doll and dangled it above the toilet. "I'LL DO THIS!"

"SILLY HUMAN! YOU SICKEN ME!" The doll lept from my hands and ran off. I suddenly smelled smoke.

...What the...

I turned around to see flames licking the wall. The smoke began to sting my eyes.

I grabbed my toaster and threw it at a window, shattering the glass everywhere. I leapt up on top of a box and tried to climb through, but the opening was really small. I could fit my head out, I just knew it. But I was going to have to maneuver my body through very slowly; I was just skinny enough, but I couldn't just escape that quickly, my whole body at the same time.

I kicked my legs forward, sliding my legs out slolwy as I raised my arms and turned my head. As I fell to the ground, I rubbed my back. "Oof."

I stepped back and watched my house... It was all now completely engulfed in flames. Two more seconds in there and I would have been flambayed.

I began to run, my objective unknown. I ran and ran until I collapsed to the ground.

"Leila?"


	8. Chapter 8

Dead Souls

~a JtHM fanfic~

Johnny

I stared at her just lying there. Something really bad must have happened. "Leila?" I hugged her, my heart flipping in my chest. I ignored it.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

She just stared at me, shaking. "H-House... fire. Doll. Talking."

I held her tight. "DOLL? TALKING?"

She looked down and stood up, walking away.

"L-Leila, no... Wait, please... I'm sorry! I can explain why I-"

"-No. Your little note explained it all perfectly clear. You want me away from you? You got it. But don't toy with my emotions and act like you care TOO. THAT just fucks with my head."

I just stood there and stared at her as she walked away. I shook my head and ran after her, appearing in front of her. "Leila, I wanted to protect you from my house!"

She looked at me funny and then a small, cynical laugh bubbled in her throat. In short, I... almost wanted to strangle someone. Not her. I couldn't. But she was making me angry and fed up...

"Look, Johnny... My house just burst into flames... I'm not in the mood for a confrontation. I... I just wanna... run away." She began walking again, her head lowered as she stared at her feet. Teardrops hit the pavement as he shakily paced.

I just stood there still. "I do love you. I do. Whenever you want to see me, you know where to find me." I turned around and sighed.

I began to walk back home to wait. I really hoped I wouldn't be waiting too long.

Leila

I walked to the bookstore. I wasn't even scheduled for three days, but I had no home and wasn't about to ask Johnny if I could stay. I was being rather defensive towards him, and I didn't want to be. I just couldn't help it. I loved him so much, but I couldn't let him back inside my head right now... Maybe I was overreacting.

I got to the bookstore and unlocked the door. They weren't open, but since I usually had to be the one to open, I had keys.

I stepped inside and walked through, feeling the A.C. wash over me. I looked around. It was a haven when no one was around. Being alone with an empty room full of books was one of my dreams.

I examined a shelf, everything starting to remind me of Nny.

I sighed and glanced at another book, challenging myself to find something that didn't remind me of him.

I saw an unfamiliar book. It looked to be made out of printer paper. I picked it up and eyed it. It was a comic titled Happy Noodle Boy.

I laughed a bit, eyeing the cover, when the words below dawned on me: written and illustrated by Johnny C.

I quietly sat the book down, my face pallor.

I sank into a fetal position and just started to cry.

Johnny

"Johnny C., you have no idea what you could be doing to the poor girl by abandoning her in the cold like that!" D-boy shrieked with delight.

My eye twitched as I slammed my fist on the arm of my couch. "How dare you?! I was merely respecting her wishes!"

Mr. Eff seemed to tower over me as he said, "Now, now. You know what can fix this. You must redeem yourself. To make up for what you did, you must sacrifice yourself. Come on, I'll go run a bath for you. Make sure you leave the toaster I put in there."

I sighed and rubbed my temples. "I wish you two would just shut up."

I stood up with wobbly knees and grabbed the dolls, walking to the basement. I unlocked the door, the screaming seeming to rise as I threw the dolls in there with all the guilty "victims".

I shut the door and made my way back to the couch.

I felt a pap on my cheek and turned to see the doughboys again.

"GOD DAMNIT! You two should have stayed gone! How did you guys get back here? I died and you two disappeared! I'd rather deal with Rev. Meat's shit. It least HE'S not two voices arguing in my head!"

D-boy cackled wildly. "We could leave, but we had to migrate back to bug you since you got rid of Bubs. I'm sure he'll be back once he relocates all of his missing pieces, but we were told we had to watch over you."

"What? By who?"

Mr. Eff blinked. "He did."

"Oh." I felt dumb. "But... that's ridiculously stupid."

D-boy huffed. "Oh, Johnny, isn't everything?"

I just laid back and ignored them while I watched tv. I finally had a taste of living without these guys. Now I missed them being gone.

Leila

'That's it,' I thought as I stood up slowly. I swung the door open and ran for my life. The cold wind nearly peeled my jacket off of me. I had to pull my jacket back to me to make sure it wouldn't completely strip me of my jacket-ness.

I ran and ran until I reached 777.

I knocked on the door quickly, my legs wobbly, my head aching along with my heart.

When the door opened, my heart skipped a beat. He stood there, looking around until he saw me. "Oh... Hello."

I smiled a bit apologetically. "May I please come in?..."

He looked a bit hesitant. I sighed. "Hey, no, I mean..."

"-Um, yes. Please. Come inside."

I stepped into his home after him and I sat timidly on his sofa.

He sat beside me and just watched me with silent curiosity. When I looked back over at him, he would look away, his cheeks turning pink.

He looked as if he wanted to speak, but was afraid to. I was scared too. Not for reasons being that he was a homicidal maniac, or that he was criminally insane, as he put it. But... because I was afraid of apologizing, I suppose. Or better yet, making everything worse.

I took a deep breath and looked over at him. "I'm sorry..."

He looked taken aback by this. His eyes widened and he hugged me close, shivering at the fact he was touching another human, no doubt. "No, no, no! I am sorry. I should be the one to apologize. I just... really wanted to protect you from those guys." He pointed over at two small, styrofoam dolls.

Normally I would have just raised my brow and asked something along the lines of, "Why the fuck would I be afraid of little doughboy dolls?", but after what I had witnessed with dolls, myself... I was almost afraid to ask.

Johnny looked as if he wanted to speak, but said nothing for a long time.

I just waited for him to, because I wanted to give him all the time in the world to gather his thoughts.

After what seemed like an eternity, he cleared his throat and looked at me with his soft, tired eyes. "I died a year ago. I killed myself and one of the dolls cheered me on, while the other stared, gaping in horror because he wanted me to kill people, not myself. When I died, I don't exactly remember anything except I spoke with Satan, er, more accurately named Diablo. I spoke with God, too. The only drawback is that my memory of Satan told me, the knowledge had been completely erased. I don't know anything about why I came back, or why exactly everything kept on happening to me. I just know that I wasn't meant for Heaven or Hell. I think I'm... doomed to a life of immortality. I'll never get my divine rest. And I guess that's just something I accept now. Besides, I can have all the Freezies I want now." He grinned a little, becoming reminiscent of a happy child.

I had to smile at this. Seeing him like that, if even for a split second, made me so happy.

I took in the information he had given me. "So... you died?" I just pondered on this.

Another feeling struck me. He felt low enough to want to kill himself. "I'm sorry you felt like ending your life..."

He didn't really move, he just sat there, twiddling his thumbs. "Well, I was actually about to call off the suicide attempt as just another attempt in the book... but the phone rang. See, I had a Rube Goldberg set up, the gun connected to the phone. I had to pick it up and it was all over. Of course, I was drunk from the feeling of invincibility at the possibility of never being able to die. I answered the phone, and..." He made a small hand gesture, making his hand into a fun as he pointed to his head and he theatrically fell limp.

"So you see, I guess I really can't die. I have a feeling I would just keep running in circles if I tried. So I live. And kill as I please. As I see deserving of it. Not to mention, I'm... not the most rational person, due to my... ack, conditions. The terms and conditions of my brain, if you will. But that's enough of that. I'm sure you've heard better tales. However, this one WAS true. I've never told anyone. Well, who would I have to tell? But that's beside the point. I told you because I wanted you to know that I didn't leave because I didn't love you or care."

He sighed softly. "I care too much. One wrong move and I'm afraid I-"

I silenced him with a soft kiss, gently placing my hand to his cheek.

He held me closer, sighing softly as we broke the kiss. I felt his lips against my hair, kissing the top of my head softly, stopping to whisper quietly, "I would give anything to stay with you. This day has been absolute hell, no pun intended."

"What, because my house catching fire, or your Hell anecdote?"

He chuckled softly. "Both."


End file.
